One Chaotic Checklist

I haven’t written in awhile, but what a jazzy title? And I do have quite a checklist to go through with you all. First thing on the list to talk about the feels that have kept me from writing. I think I haven’t written because I have no idea how I feel as my departure date comes closer, much closer. People must think I’m crazy, that I don’t feel an ambush of excited feels, but in reality all the excitement I have is equally met with nerves. I think they have cancelled each other out. I’m content. I am not jumping out of my boots nor am I paralyzed with fear, to compare the feels to generic metaphors. I am just ready. Ready to see what epics happen, what beauties I’ll see, what people I’ll meet, and how big of fish I’ll catch. I couldn’t ask for a better mindset going into this trip. I am excited but I think only a certain amount of excitement can be had when going on a solo trip across a country. There is a lot of unknowns and they are scary and tend to smother excitement. That’s okay though, it keeps me true and not blind. No expectations, no unbelievable excitement. I like starting with a blank slate and when I go into a trip with overwhelming expectations then I am thinking about the future too much and makes a mess of my new, blank, clean slate. Turns an untouched journey that hasn’t happened yet into a story book I am unwillingly part of and have to follow. So off I go to be content on a new continent.

This sporadic post is accomplishing the goal if checking off everything on my list before I go, 1.Talk about weird feels 2.Talk about the baffled factor of taking this trip 3.Thank yous. I have tried to talk about the feels but the thing about feels is that in my mind feels are a way of expressing emotions that aren’t quite matured feelings, they’re feelings in the making so therefore, they are hard to articulate. I think the confusion came across accurately. Next, to be baffled: 1. Totally bewilder or perplex. How am I so lucky to go on such an epic, once-in-a-lifetime, epically awesome trip? I dreamed it up but that’s just a small part of how this all came into fruition. I would most likely be at Western Washington University right now if it wasn’t for the beautifully wide eyed people of Mountain Camp. If I was in the real world trying to think up this trip I truly don’t think I could have fathomed it. Go to New Zealand alone? Not much of a plan? No way, I wouldn’t have planned or thought up such a trip in the real world, but in the beautiful bubble of Mountain Camp I was surrounded by a staff that thinks outside of the box and by little kidos that have the most fantastic imaginations. Three months around those kind of people and this beautifully ambiguous plan was developed. Still though, this trip baffles me and it’s great.

3. Thank Yous. I am so endlessly thankful. To my family for knowing me so well that when I announced I wasn’t going to school and instead going to go get lost in New Zealand they acted as if it had been in my life and college plan since I was born. It was an underwhelming reaction in the best way. I have endless gratitude for them but they know that. I am so thankful for the simple luxuries I get to have on this trip. Having a plethora of light weight layers for this trip means the world to me, and I have never been so attached and thankful for material things, but light and high quality layers are the bee knees I’ve discovered. To have a sleeping bag that packs up to half the size of a loaf of bread is amazing, thank you Mammut. On this trip I don’t have to sacrifice warmth in the name of lightweight travel. Lastly there is all of you who decide to read the words that come out of my head and heart. This blog is like a home away from home itself, it’s like sitting down at the dinner table with my family at night and talking about our days. Having support, love, friends and family a screen away fills me with comfort as I embark on this very uncomfortable journey.

Checklist complete, mushy gooshy complete, now I promise to have posts filled with adventuring ups and downs and pictures of Mordor.

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